How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup?

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How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup Really?

Have you just broken up with someone, or did it happen a while back and you’re still not over it? Do you wonder how long it’ll take until you are over that person? If you’re hurting right now, I totally understand where you’re at, because I was there in the past. When you are right in the middle of those crappy emotions, you begin to wonder if it will ever end. In my case, my worst breakup took me the best part of six months of misery. So, exactly how long does it take to get over a breakup?

After my worst breakup, I had no interest in my job. I had no interest in socializing. There was this sick feeling in my stomach every day. I longed to be back with her, so much so that I made a complete wally of myself on several occasions by turning up “accidentally” on her way home from work and saying “Oh hi, fancy seeing you here!”. I cringe when I think of it now. The big problem was that I was still in love with her.

How Long Does It Take To Get Over Someone You Still Love?

how long does it take to get over a breakup girl crying

If you really, deeply loved the person that you’ve just broken up with, it is perfectly normal to feel as if you have a “broken heart”. The end of a serious relationship should hurt. That’s what tells you that you really did love your former partner. The pain of a breakup can feel pretty savage but it’s important to know that there will be good times again. You will feel positive emotions again. It’s just that it may take a while to get there. That’s what’s called the healing process and it happens differently for everyone. In this respect, there is no “average person”. 

The time factor becomes more complicated if it was an unhealthy relationship where you experienced:

  • Narcissistic Partner – they believe they are better than you, never apologize or lash out when things don’t go their way.
  • Cheating – this can be really hurtful, especially if it is with someone you know
  • Gaslighting – your partner trying to cause you to doubt yourself by blaming something that they did on you.
  • Controlling Behavior – telling you what you can and can’t do
  • Abuse – emotional, sexual, or physical abuse
  • Reckless Behavior – drinking to excess without your knowledge, drug taking without your knowledge, serious gambling without your knowledge
  • Porn Addiction – depending on your attitude towards porn, porn addiction can feel like cheating
  • Sex Addiction – going to see escorts regularly disgusts many partners

Factors That Determine How Long It Will Take

Here are some of the factors that will determine how long it will take :

  • How Deeply You Loved The Person – in some relationships (even long-term ones) the emotion isn’t that deep. In others, it’s profound. For instance, it’s more difficult if you had imagined building a life with that person.
  • Whether The Breakup Was Traumatic Or Not – for some people it’s easier to move on if their partner, for instance, cheated on them. For others that injustice would be difficult to let go of.
  • What Your Past History Is With Letting Things Go – if you have a history of remembering the tiniest detail of every argument, you might find it more difficult to move on
  • Your Internal Self-Talk – if you keep telling yourself you can’t move on, then you won’t
  • Your Past History Of Love-Based Relationships –  have you become “needy” as a result of being deprived of love by a significant person in your life (eg. your mother or father)?
get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

5 Relationship Breakup Stages Of Grief: Where Are You At?

Most psychologists and relationship experts agree that there are 5 breakup stages of grief. As I look back at the major breakup I had in the past, I can clearly identify each of these stages of a breakup. If you are at the end of a relationship, see if you have experienced one or more of these stages yet:

  1. Denial – at this first step, in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, you may be in a state of disbelief. Depending on the length of the relationship, you may try to convince yourself that it’s just temporary and that after spending time apart, you’ll get back together again.
  2. Anger – after not too much time, your feelings may start shifting in the direction of anger or some other negative feelings. If the ending of a relationship happens because of cheating, it’s easy to understand doing feelings of anger. These can either be outward-focussed anger (focussed on your ex), or inward-focussed (blaming yourself or feeling worthless). This stage is where having a good support system is beneficial. Good friends can help talk some sense and help you to stop doing those negative thoughts.
  3. Bargaining – different people may attempt to make a bargain in exchange for the reinstatement of the relationship. because they just can’t possibly accept the loss of a relationship. This really is grasping at straws and if you are at this stage, you may need professional help to understand the right thing to do is to just accept that the relationship is over.
  4. Depression – we naturally feel depressed when we finally accept the loss of a relationship. There is a sadness or emptiness where you miss your former partner’s company, you realize you may never see a family member of theirs again, your friend group may be impacted especially where you both share mutual friends, etc. 
  5. Acceptance – this is where it dawns on us that, even though we have endured tough times, life is still going on around us. On some occasions, we feel a temporary relief and daily life has stabilized somewhat. Maybe, at this stage, we begin to appreciate our personal resilience. 

Is The After Breakup No Contact Rule A Good Idea?

I strongly recommend the “no-contact” rule to my clients. This means:

  • No face-to-face contact
  • Blocking their phone number
  • Blocking on all forms of social media
  • Telling friends not to tell you anything about your ex

All of this is great in theory but what happens if you have young children together, or you live next door to their parent’s house, or what happens if you work for the same company? What happens if you don’t ever want to be best friends with your ex, maybe because of their past behavior, but yet you have to see them every time they collect the kids? 

In unhealthy relationships where there is, maybe, an element of abuse involved, and yet you still have children together, what do you do? This is where getting some expert advice can be invaluable and help you to find healthy ways to establish safe boundaries in that new relationship with your ex.

get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

How Do You Accept A Relationship Is Over?

One of the reasons we find it difficult to accept that a relationship is over is because it leaves a vacuum. As human beings, we don’t like uncertainty. We really do like feelings of security and feeling like we fit in, either with a person or with a social group. 

Remember, when you break up with your partner, you are also breaking up with their family members. If you are moving out, then you are breaking up with your neighbors, and maybe with the neighborhood itself. You are also breaking up with your old routines, such as socializing with a shared friend group, or social network that evolved around you as a couple. That is a whole load of change!

There are some clues from the past about what you need to remind yourself of now. For instance, if you’ve had past relationships that broke up and you moved on eventually from those, you can remind yourself that, back then, especially if was a bad breakup, you may have thought you’d never get over it. You probably thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel but eventually, you did move on, to the most recent relationship. It’s important to remind yourself that, even though it might take a long time, you will get over this.

If it was your partner who broke up with you, just remind yourself that they have a right to do that. Live by the rule “live and let live”. In other words, tell yourself that they have a right to make a decision that they think is right for them. Remind yourself that their leaving is not proof that you don’t deserve true love. Everyone is on their own journey through life. Wish them well on their journey and you’ll find that your healing process takes less time.

Who Moves On Faster After A Breakup?

There is an urban myth out there that men always move on from a breakup faster. That is not actually true. What determines how soon the next relationship happens is:

  • Your attachment style
  • The specific amount of recovery time that seems right for you
  • The depth of feeling you had for your former partner
  • Your ability to imagine yourself in a future relationship

The truth is that some women move on quickly and some take a long time. This is the same for men. Although it may seem on the surface that men may move on quicker, it can take longer for men to feel the full devastating effects of a breakup.

10 Top Tips To Help You Move On From A Breakup

Download this A4 pdf right now, take one item at a time, and incorporate that into your behavior from now on. These small incremental changes will help you to move on from a breakup .

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How Do You Know If You're Still Heartbroken?

An easy way to assess where you are at is to have a look again at the section (above) entitled The 5 Relationship Breakup Stages Of Grief: Where Are You At? You may find that you are stuck at one of those stages. If so, ask yourself this question: “What do I need to do to move from this stage to the next?”. Whatever you come up with, take some action, no matter how small.

If you have reached the final stage which is acceptance, then the one final step that will help you to leave your heartbreak behind would be making active attempts to establish a new long-term relationship. Some people try to force this stage and then give up because it just doesn’t seem right. 

My suggestion always is to listen to your feelings. You should probably feel a little uncomfortable because, after all, you are moving outside your comfort zone when you start dating again. Pretty quickly though, there should be some positive feelings if this person has a chance of being in your life.

If you find no joy whatsoever in attempting to date, it may be too early and that will tell you that you’re probably still heartbroken.

Is It Normal To Cry Every Day After Breakup?

The answer depends on several things:

  • The depth of love you had for your former partner
  • If the breakup was hurtful (eg. if they cheated on you)
  • Your own level of self-esteem
  • Your belief about the future and your ability to survive this and move on.
  • The level of support you have

If you find that you feel like crying all day, every day, and this doesn’t seem to be getting any better after several weeks, it might be time for a chat with a clinical psychologist or counselor as you may be slipping into full-blown depression.

get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

Do You Ever Fully Get Over Someone You Love?

There really is no definitive answer to this. It depends on your personality and ultimately, what you choose to believe about that person. For instance, if you can imagine bumping into them at some time in the future when they need a friend and you just can’t help yourself being their shoulder to cry on, well, you’ll probably never fully get over that person. That, of course, doesn’t mean you can’t move on with your life and commit to a relationship with someone else. 

As I explain to my clients, love is messy. Of course, we can love more than just one person. If you have kids, you know this all too well. How many parents out there would say they only love one of their children? Probably only a few I would imagine! 

When it comes to romantic relationships, however, society imposes this idea on us that we should only love one person and that anything else, even a flirty text, is cheating. I tend to see the world less in black and white and more as many shades of grey. 

So I suppose what I’m saying is – what if it’s ok to not have fully gotten over someone that you used to love? Maybe that’s just about telling yourself (inside your head) that it’s ok to still feel some feelings of love. In many cases, that means you don’t have to tell your new partner about that. 

I believe there are some things that it’s okay not to share openly with our partners. As long as we don’t have any intent to take action towards rekindling a relationship with that ex, it’s ok to have a private fond thought about them.

How To Get Over A Breakup You Caused

If you caused the breakup, the most important thing to do is accept it. Accept that people all over the world mess up every single day. You are not alone. It is really going to do no good whatsoever to wallow in shame or guilt, simply because it’s done now. You can’t change what’s happened.

Realize that if you caused the breakup, you did it for a reason. Deep down inside of you, maybe there was something that wasn’t quite right about the relationship. It would be a good idea to tease this out with a friend.

An important point to remember is that human beings don’t react well to criticism. We don’t like it and it generally doesn’t do a good job of motivating us to change. So stop beating yourself up. That’s not going to help you to change if you need to change.

get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

How To Get Over A Breakup For Girls

Many girls tend to be more emotional than guys in the same situation, or at the very least are more in touch with their feelings. We’ve all heard the “drama queen” saying “my life is over”, or “I’ll never be the same again”. That’s a good example of exactly what NOT to do.

Here are some helpful do’s and don’ts for girls to help you get over a breakup

The Do List

  • Accept that it’s not the end of the world, that life will go on, and that you will find someone in the future to be happy with. This is just a (painful) step along the way.
  • Take care of yourself. Shower every day, brush your hair, apply makeup (if you use makeup), etc. Routines of self-care are very important at this time.
  • Tell yourself every day that you are in the process of letting go and that it’s ok to let go.

The Don’t List

  • Don’t go on social media ranting about things and vaguely implying that you are really talking about your ex.
  • Calling, texting or messaging on WhatsApp (or any other form of communication) are absolute no-nos.
  • Under no circumstances seek opportunities to get revenge on your ex. You really don’t want to go there.
  • Don’t dwell. Thinking about your ex constantly is simply wallowing in the pain. It’s ok (and natural) to think about that person, but you have to limit the amount of time you do that, otherwise you’ll make yourself feel miserable.

How To Get Over A Breakup For Guys

how long does it take to get over a breakup for guys

Quite often, guys don’t look after themselves as well as women will. It is not uncommon for a woman to cry on the shoulder of their friend (or friends), bitch about their ex, definitely state that they are “done with relationships”, revel in “girl power”, etc. While it still hurts, at least many women have an outlet for the pain. Guys, on the other hand, tend (in general) to nurse their wounds in a more solitary way.

5 Tips For Guys

  • Don’t drink alcohol to take away the pain. The simple truth is, it won’t. It’ll numb it for a couple of hours but you’ll probably face into the next day feeling worse than you did. (This also covers drug taking, for the same reason).
  • Talk to yourself kindly. Remember, this happens to everyone at some stage. It’s not just you. So stop with “Why did this happen to me?” and realize, it happens….period!
  • If you caused the breakup, own it. Remind yourself that even if you did something to cause the breakup (like cheating for instance), that does not mean you are a bad person. You just messed up. Everyone messes up from time to time.
  • Remind yourself of a brighter future. This is just a blip on the road. Just like if you fell off a horse, the advice would be to get back on quickly (so just don’t leave it for years). Remind yourself that there are other partners out there and that you will find someone who matches you.
  • Let go of negative emotions. Having a negative emotion towards your partner is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. The only person negative emotions hurt is you. Find a way to forgive and hold a thought in your mind that you wish for your ex all of the peace and happiness you want for yourself.
get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

Signs You're Healing From A Breakup

Probably the most obvious sign is when you can think about that person without feeling hurt. Being able to bring up a past memory and no longer feel any negative feelings is a sign that you have accepted that the relationship is over. It also shows that you have realized that your life goes on without them and that it’s ok. 

When you don’t look them up on social media and have no need to do that, you have finally reached the stage of “live and let live”. In other words, you fully accept that their life is continuing without you and that’s ok, no matter what they are doing or who they are with.

Relationship Breakup Support With Hypnosis

Our thoughts can be likened to wild horses – unpredictable and untrained. When we haven’t trained our minds, we are likely to have a stream of bad thoughts that we think we just can’t control. With practice, you can train your mind to focus only on good thoughts. 

This can especially be helpful when it comes to a breakup. We need to focus on several helpful things and remind ourselves of those every day. After a while of listening we condition ourselves to stop focusing on unhelpful, negative thoughts and start to focus on good, self-supportive thoughts.

get over a relationship breakup mp3 cover

Self-Hypnosis Audio To Get Over A Relationship Breakup

Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you to focus on your resilience and let go of heartbreak quicker. 

Hypnosis For Breakups: This Self-Hypnosis Audio Can Help

Listen to this self-hypnosis recording every day for at least thirty days. This recording has been scripted and voiced by one of the world’s leading Clinical Hypnotherapists, Paul J Hunter, so you are assured of the highest quality and standard of recording.

Over fifteen years of experience have gone into this powerful hypnosis audio and will help you

  • Accept that the relationship is over
  • Believe that you’ll be fine and that you’ll be able to cope
  • Enjoy finding yourself and your own identity again
Here’s one final thought! Many people beat themselves up after a relationship ends. A very common thing that people say to themselves is “What was it about me that made them want to break up with me”. One of the most important things you can learn at a time like this is How To Practice Self Love

Frequently Asked Questions

If you’re not entirely familiar with hypnosis and you’d like to know What Is Hypnosis? – CLICK HERE

If your question is How Do I Listen To A Self Hypnosis Audio? – CLICK HERE

Would you like to know Does Hypnosis Still Work If I Fall Asleep? – CLICK HERE

And finally, Is Self Hypnosis Suitable For Everyone? – CLICK HERE

Picture of Author: Paul Hunter

Author: Paul Hunter

Although thousands of people read his blog every month, Paul's path to success was not an easy one. Click here to read his amazing story "From Unwanted Baby And Adopted To A Respected Self Help Blogger". If you want to send Paul a quick message, then visit his contact page here

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Picture of Paul Hunter

Paul Hunter

Although thousands of people read his blog every month, Paul's path to success was not an easy one. Click here to read his amazing story "From Unwanted Baby And Adopted To A Respected Self Help Blogger". If you want to send Paul a quick message, then visit his contact page here

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