How To Build Confidence In Yourself Starting Now!
Do you have a lack of confidence? Would you like to know how to build confidence in yourself? Have you been doing a lack of confidence for so long that you don’t know what else to do? In my clinic, I’ve met many people over the years, who have been lacking in confidence. I’ve come across some people who have tried to become more confident while still being self-critical and self-doubting and I have never heard anyone saying that worked for them. Confidence is an inside job and in this article, I will explain:
- The decision you have to make about yourself
- How to dump negative thoughts
- How to develop the habit of positive self-talk
- what you need to do to grow a positive self-image
This was a question I asked myself many years ago. Today I am a really confident person – I would have no problem standing up in front of a group and making a speech or telling a joke, or just being in the spotlight. However many years ago, I suffered from severe self-doubt and self-consciousness. As a result, I am in a unique position to help you to be more confident because it didn’t come naturally to me – I had to learn how to be confident and so will you.
How Do I Gain Confidence In Myself?
The very first step is to reflect for a moment on what you have done, inside your head, to contribute to your current negative state. When I began this journey many years ago, that’s what I did. I took responsibility for my role in developing low confidence. When most people think about low confidence, they tend to blame external factors. I’ve often heard clients of mine saying:
- “My parents were always critical of me”.
- “My sister told me I was useless”.
- “A particular teacher used to pick on me and reveled in my discomfort when they made me stand in front of the class and read out loud”.
I always ask my clients to take their fair share of the responsibility, but only their fair share, by asking themselves the question:
“How did I contribute to developing this low self-confidence I currently have?”
Once you have identified how you have contributed to that, now I want you to make a decision. Whose team are you on? You are either on “Team Me” or “Team Against Me”. Honestly, the only choice that will make you happy is deciding to be a supporter of you. That means being gentle. Think of a football game. When the team that you support messes up, would you boo them off the pitch, or still support them even though they didn’t play that well? Hint: It’s always got to be the second choice!
Make a decision right now to support yourself. Turn your inner critic into an inner cheerleader. Be your own best friend. Make a vow to yourself right now and change your sense of self from predominantly negative to telling yourself good things about yourself from this moment onwards. Remember, the best version of you is not perfect. People with high self-confidence and high self-esteem just support themselves no matter what.
What Are The Signs Of Low Confidence?
Here are some common signs that may indicate that you have a lack of self-confidence:
- Do you compare yourself negatively to other people, especially in social situations?
- Have you regularly engaged in negative self-talk inside your head?
- In difficult situations where you might need some help, do you find that hard to do?
- Does your inner critic make you feel a fear of failure?
- Have you got predominantly negative beliefs about your own abilities?
- Do you shy away from new challenges?
- Does a compliment make you feel painfully aware of your own confidence level (or lack of it)?
8 Tips To Build Confidence
Download this A4 pdf right now and start putting these tips into practice in your life immediately to boost your confidence and self belief every day. You’ll amaze yourself as to how quickly these will make a difference to how you feel about yourself..
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Why Am I Lacking Confidence In Myself?
It can be fascinating to figure out what causes low confidence. Of course, it differs from person to person. The reasons given below are not an exhaustive list but simply some of the more common causes.
- Your Childhood Experiences – people who have personally experienced physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and bullying are prone to low self-confidence. You may even not have personally experienced these but just witnessed other people being abused. This can also be a cause of low confidence in later life
- What Your Parents Were Like – our parents really influence us because we look to them for reassurance, praise, approval, affection, validation, etc. If a parent is very critical, negative, detached, or emotionless, all of these things can affect our feelings of self-worth.
- School Experiences – we get positive or negative feedback from teachers and other kids while at school
- Gay or Straight – while we’d all like to think we are totally inclusive the reality is different. For people who are gay, their experience can still be one of rejection, mocking, or discrimination in some cases. This can cause problems with self-worth.
- Social Media Comparisons – for example, every single day I open my newsfeed on Facebook, I see how other people are having fabulous lives. A friend of mine who’s a photographer recently posted about his upcoming trip to Bali for instance. It’s very easy for a person to think that they are not doing as well as that person. Negative comparisons can affect our view of ourselves.
- Social Media Opinions – people are so incredibly opinionated on social media. Many of the opinions are quoted forcibly stated. As a result, it can be effortless to become hard on yourself
- Social Media Messaging – there are loads of stories about people being bullied viciously through messaging or posting comments on social media. In essence, before the internet age, our mistakes weren’t that public and were forgotten about quickly. Now everyone knows and it’s there forever for someone to find on your social media feed.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
Many factors can cause low self-esteem. With some individuals, it’s a combination of these factors, while with others it can be just one. The most dramatic cause is abuse of some form, physical, sexual, or emotional. Your parents can play a significant role, either by arguing a lot, being overly critical, or not seeming that interested. Remember, as kids, we crave approval. If we don’t get positive feedback, that can make us form a negative belief about ourselves.
Low self-esteem can also stem from bullying, or from life traumas. One final area that has become much more prevalent over the past ten years is social media. When we see other people’s lives portrayed in our newsfeeds, we can quite easily compare ourselves negatively with others. This is a cause for concern especially amongst young people. Perhaps the best way to gain healthy self-esteem is to aim to spend less time on social media.
Self-Hypnosis Audio For Complete Confidence
Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you visualize your new, confident future where you have all the self belief you need.
What Are The Effects Of Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem and constant self-criticism can have an impact on your mental health if left unchecked. Here are some of the potential ways in which negative thinking about yourself can impact you:
- Constant self-criticism can lead to mental health issues like depression, anxiety, self-directed anger, etc.
- Negative expectation in advance of a situation leads to a less-than-successful experience and possibly avoiding the experience altogether
- Always fearing others judging you negatively leading to being socially withdrawn
- Forming unhealthy romantic relationships with negative people who further reinforce your poor self-esteem
- Self-medication using drugs or alcohol to soothe your negative feelings
What Confident People Do
Here are some of the traits of confident people
- they speak positively to themselves – the tell themselves that they were great, that they can do it, that they’ll be good at it, etc.
- confident people are content with themselves and don’t really care that much about what other people think of them.
- they never compare themselves to other people or wonder if they are “as good as” the other person. It’s not that they feel better than anyone else – it’s just a non-issue.
- amusingly, confident people are better listeners because they don’t need to prove anything to anyone
- confident people are NOT attention-seekers once again because they don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
- they are quick to praise other people and never begrudge another person for their success.
As you read through some of these traits, I’d like you to pause for a moment and ask yourself – do you do those things? I certainly know that I didn’t way back when I had low self-confidence and low self-esteem.
Self-Hypnosis Audio For Complete Confidence
Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you visualize your new, confident future where you have all the self belief you need.
How Do I Start Believing In Myself?
Your “comfort zone” (if you want to call it that), might have been staying out of sight, keeping your head down, avoiding negative judgment, etc. When you start to adopt a growth mindset, you regard life challenges as an opportunity to learn. You surround yourself with positive people and you regularly practice positive thinking. Your aim is for personal growth, not perfection. You expect a positive outcome On the odd occasion, when something doesn’t turn out the way you would like, you are still on track with building confidence, by letting it go quickly and reminding yourself that the next time, it’ll be better.
You hold in mind an image of you as a self-confident person and you pay close attention to the little habits and rituals that you do when you have a healthy level of self-esteem. Then you step into that picture or image of yourself and feel what it feels like to have good self-esteem. This will help you to get in that positive state of mind and help you to know how to achieve higher self-esteem.
Self Confidence Tips
Here are some self-confidence tips to show you how to build confidence in yourself.
- Put Yourself First (most of the time) – many of us get the message from our parents or teachers as we grow up that we should put another person’s needs before our own. We’re told “Think about how he feels”, “it’s not all about you”, you’re being selfish”, etc., etc. Truly confident people do put themselves first and yet they are not, for the large part, selfish or horrible people. So it is possible (and desirable) to achieve a good balance. Of course, at times, it is appropriate to put other people’s needs before your own. However most of the time, it is right and proper to prioritise your needs and wants.
- Stop Being A People Pleaser – there are no medals for being a people pleaser. You’ll just end up feeling used and abused. Other people can handle you saying no from time to time. If they can’t – they have a problem and probably need therapy!
- Talk To Yourself Differently – tell yourself you are amazing. Remind yourself of all of the great things you’ve done or achieved. Choose to trust yourself. Realize no one can be perfect anyway so it’s ok to be you.
- Take Time For Yourself – give yourself some quality time. We’re always rattling on about having quality time with our partners or with our kids but how about with ourselves?
- Dream Of Yourself As a Success – as the life coach Tony Robbins says “Whatever you hold in your mind consistently is exactly what you experience in your life”. What this means is that whatever we dream about regularly is what we turn into a reality. So start creating dreams about the future where you are succeeding at whatever it is you’d like to succeed at. That could be work, chatting up someone you are interested in, getting a qualification, communicating confidently, etc.
Self-Hypnosis Audio For Complete Confidence
Self-hypnosis can be a great tool to help you visualize your new, confident future where you have all the self belief you need.
Self Hypnosis For Confidence
My number one tip for boosting your self-confidence is to listen to a self-hypnosis recording for increased confidence. I have recorded a really powerful self-hypnosis audio called “Complete Confidence” which you can download right now. You’ll have to listen every day for thirty days. There will be lots of powerful suggestions on the recording which will have a significant impact on how you think about yourself.. These will help you to hold a confident image of yourself in your mind and believe it. By listening every day for thirty days you will be embedding the knowledge of how to build confidence in yourself every day.
Over fifteen years of experience have gone into this powerful hypnosis audio and will help:
- Believe that you are always good enough
- Your internal self-talk will become positive and supportive
- Feel confident even in a roomful of strangers
One of the things people with love self-confidence struggle with is self-love so maybe this article can help you with that – How To Practice Self Love
Frequently Asked Questions
If you’re not entirely familiar with hypnosis and you’d like to know What Is Hypnosis? – CLICK HERE
If your question is How Do I Listen To A Self Hypnosis Audio? – CLICK HERE
Would you like to know Does Hypnosis Still Work If I Fall Asleep? – CLICK HERE
And finally, Is Self Hypnosis Suitable For Everyone? – CLICK HERE
Author: Paul Hunter
Although thousands of people read his blog every month, Paul's path to success was not an easy one. Click here to read his amazing story "From Unwanted Baby And Adopted To A Respected Self Help Blogger". If you want to send Paul a quick message, then visit his contact page here
